I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I've blown a few things in my day
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
