Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
