Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
