That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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