She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
