SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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