If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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