I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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