I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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