You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
