we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
