You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
