tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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