What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
