I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
