I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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