Life is so much better after having sex.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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