no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
