Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
