WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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