i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
