u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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