I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
