You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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