I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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