fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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