kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
