hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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