Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
