Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
