I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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