Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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