well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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