so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Boobs speak an international language.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
