I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
