In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
