Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
