Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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