What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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