I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
