There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
