Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
