if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
