I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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