thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
