My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
