I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
