You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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