My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
