I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
