there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
