she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
