apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
