if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
