"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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