oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
