I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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