Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
