If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
