i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
