How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
