i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
