There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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