2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize