i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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