I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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