Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
