i may or may not be watching the land before time
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
