There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
