guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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