Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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