WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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