My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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