She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
