My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Randomize
