FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
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well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
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I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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