Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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