oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
